I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
