Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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