Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We're not piercing ourselves today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sext me about skeletons
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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