I'm laying in your front yard are you home
North Korea, Best Korea!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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