So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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