I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
