i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
