Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
