he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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