I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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