I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
