So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
