oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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