So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
