FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
