Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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