VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
