he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
