I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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