What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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