Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dicks are not precious.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
