This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
