i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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