a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
