Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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