He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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