Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
