My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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