you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
