He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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