i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
