Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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