is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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