I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
