This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
