Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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