Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?

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(936): View more from Texas

My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

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(518): View more from New York

At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with

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(301): View more from Maryland

My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

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(458): View more from Oregon

Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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(765): View more from Indiana

His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

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(713): View more from Texas

I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.

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