I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I deserve this hangover.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
