If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
