We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
