I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I believe in your delicious
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
