its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
