I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
