my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
