I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
