In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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