i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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