you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
