I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
