Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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