I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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