i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize