Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
