I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
whose parrot is this?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
