I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
