Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize