White coat. Heels.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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