Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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