he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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