Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
