Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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