Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
