Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
