Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
