I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
