This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
