Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize