I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no, he came in my armpit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
