shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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