i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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