i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
