i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
