He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
