Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
