She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
