"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize