We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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