I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
