I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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