My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's get the cat blown out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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