i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
