we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
