The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
