drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
