i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
