I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
