My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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