question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
