it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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