I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
