I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Your tits are I can't wait for
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
