you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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