So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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