I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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