Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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