remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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