He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
