People with herpes should wear stickers.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
