i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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