i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
