My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
