Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
