I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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