We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
