i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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